What’s The Deal With This Thing Called Self Confidence?

Hello? Is this thing on?


Oops! Pardon me. That was embarrassing..

Hi internet. I wanted to have a little discussion about self confidence. It’s a topic that seems scary to most people. I was inspired to type at you about it in reference to our dating lives. However self confidence relates to every aspect of our life…so feel free to go with it as you please.

Self confidence [self-kon-fi-duh ns]

the realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.

Self confidence is the realistic confidence in yourself. Notice the keyword “realistic”. You will never be 100% confident in everything that you do. If you are…then that’s what we will call narcissism. If you’re narcissistic…then the idea of self confidence isn’t even a thought in your head because you’re so awesome you can do no wrong. Move along and make some room for those that realize they suck at times.

So we always hear about how people are attracted to people with self confidence. That statement is extremely true. Whether it’s relating to people we want to date or people we simply have around has friends. Self confidence is naturally attractive and inviting. While having low self confidence doesn’t make you a horrible person…I suspect you can agree that it’s harder to form a bond with that sort of person. They could be socially awkward and fumble to hold a conversation, thus making it awkward for everyone in that conversation. Or they don’t feel that they are attractive and hide. Or they just feel like they are not a likable person and never give you that chance to like them. Like I said, a person having low self confidence is in no way a defective person. They, just simply, are having some struggles. Eventually they let people in their lives and we like them…and we hug them a lot…and get really good at giving pep talks.

What I am hoping to do is hand out some advice for them about finding self confidence…so here goes.

First I want to reiterate no one is 100% confident in all that they do. People will always have situations that make them struggle and second guess themselves. I’ve always felt like there is this illusion that you either have full self confidence or you have none. That’s all a lie. You can have it today and the next day you can fumble. How I summarize having self confidence is accepting that I am a person who sucks at times and other times I’m pretty awesome. I accept that there will be many times I will throw myself out there and get rejected. I accept that I am myself and people will not always like the person I am…but there will always be people that like who I am. I accept that some days I will be terrified of the world, but tomorrow is a new day…I will tackle the world tomorrow. Having self confidence means you are aware that you will not always succeed in what you do…but you still try. It’s simply that. You’re not perfect, but you make an effort to accept your place on this planet full of humans.

So…how does one have self confidence? The answer is pretty simple. You fake the fuck out of it. I would imagine that’s not a new piece of advice to you. I have heard that all of my life. People simply state…just fake it. Seriously, that’s how you do it. I’m not joking in the slightest. No one magically has confidence, or can sit at home and just teach yourself how to be confident. You have to toss yourself into the pit of fear and realize it’s actually not that bad.

The next time you’re out and you see a person who just gets the juices flowing…do something about it. Walk up and say hi. Make eye contact and smile. Just do something. Yes there is a chance of being rejected, but who cares? You’re pretty awesome, and if they don’t get to find out…it’s their loss. You accept that not everyone will want to have you in their life, but there are plenty that want you in their life.

In my younger days when I went out places and I saw a cute guy…I would just go right up and introduce myself. Trust me, it was terrifying. T-E-R-R-I-F-Y-I-N-G. But I knew I just had to suck it up and go for it. Did I get rejected? All the time. Did I ever succeed? Hell ya. Just as much as I was rejected. You know what happened? Every time I was rejected, I reminded myself that I won’t always be rejected. I didn’t focus on all those times I was rejected…I focused on all the times I successfully got the phone number of a hot guy. Sure enough, eventually I was no longer terrified of being rejected. Sure enough, I began succeeding more than failing. Of course I still get nervous, even today, but I am not terrified. Are there days that I get too nervous and can’t convince myself to go talk to the hot guy? Constantly. I never let that make me feel like less of a person, however. Not every day is a success.

I’ve seen what putting out self confidence can do for something as simple as a new conversation. When I’m nervous and awkward meeting a person, and don’t fake confidence…I see it reflect off of them. The other party starts feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Suddenly everyone feels awkward and you end up just staring at each other until a party member finally just gets the heck out of there. When you suck it up and fake that confidence, they won’t feel the awkwardness. They feel your confidence. Even though you’re totally acting like you have confidence versus actually being confident. They don’t know the difference. All they see is that you are confident in talking to them. What demeanor you put into something, even as simple as a conversation, will 100% affect how that something goes.

So fake it. You want to start feeling confident with yourself? Start throwing yourself into scary situations and fake that you have the confidence. Focus on the times you succeed, and you will realize that rejection/failure isn’t always horrible. Accept that you’re pretty cool, but sometimes you’re going to suck. Eventually you will gain confidence in yourself and your ability to interact with the world.

My New Favorite Song: I’m Only Joking

I heard this song for the first time early this evening. I had an immediate music orgasm. Of course I pulled out the handy dandy phone and got to working to find out where it was coming from. Saw it was a new single by the Kongos.

Not going to lie, I have yet to be disappointed with this band. Then this song comes along and tops the sundae. It’s my mother eff-ing cherry on top.

My Life With Cats

On August 21st, 2013, I adopted two cats. Brother and sister. Pan and Kali.

Kali and Pan making a heart with their cuddles

By September 01, 2013, I was officially a crazy cat mom. Here’s my story…

As a child, my family had two female outdoor cats. Meaning they had as many dates with stray boy cats as they wished. Even more meaning they had kittens. Often. So as a child I grew up with cats all over the place, and loved the crap out of it. Eventually my mom didn’t want to deal with her cat allergy anymore and we gave the cats away.

As I grew up I continued to love cats and lived vicariously through my friends who had cats. I always had an inkling that I would grow up and become a crazy cat lady.

In 2007 I picked up my belongings and moved out-of-state. I got settled into a place and began thinking how I wanted to get a kitten. I ventured out and bought the “Kittens for Dummies” book. Yes I did that. Yes I read the whole thing. Yes I still have the book. By the time I finished the book I was TERRIFIED of getting a kitten. Anyone thinking of getting a kitten, don’t read that book. I had felt that I was capable of raising a kitten. That book made me rethink kittens…or the possibility of ever wanting children. I mean if kittens are that tough, how the hell could I raise a child? (honestly I have no itch for children…but I definitely don’t after that book)

So there I sat lonely in my place. No kittens. No cats. No furry thing to shower with my love. My crazy cat lady inkling diminishing.

Fast forward to 2013. I came across an opportunity to adopt a pair of cats. Adults cats. No kittens…thanks to “Kittens for Dummies”. They were brother and sister, fully grown, well-mannered cats. I said “Screw it! Let’s do this!”, and took on the two cats.

Kali and Pan doing their cuddling thing

I can never go back now. In the end, this was the best decision ever. These two cats are the best cats. Both are so full of personality and love. Everything they doing I find adorable. I have more pictures of my cats than I do of anyone else in my life. Ever. I haven’t had a private moment in the bathroom since the first week of adopting them…and I’m OK with that.

Recent view I had while I was taking a bath

Kali is the alpha cat. She runs the show, and she knows it. She’s a total lap cat. If you are sitting and she’s not in your lap, you get the death stare. She climbs on me kitty stomping and meowing until she gets the perfect spot to lay down.

Kali wondering why I am playing on my phone instead of petting her

Pan is the cuddly one. I’ve given Pan the Indian name of Little-spoon Cuddle-pants. When I climb in bed, Pan beats at the blankets trying to get under them. He has yet to succeed getting under them on his own. I let him try then give in and lift up the covers. He hops under the covers and cuddles with me.

My Little-spoon Cuddle-pants at his finest

It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with my cats. At this point they are my children. I love them to death. I crave their attention, just as they crave my attention. Having a bad day? No problem. Give me 5 minutes hanging out with my cats and “What bad day?” Stress melts away with their affections. I love having conversations with Kali. She’s a talker. I love snuggling with Pan while he sucks on my shirt. Did you know that some cats never grow out of suckling on their mom? Neither did I until I met Pan. Pan destroys my shirts with puddles of kitty saliva. It’s pretty gross, but it’s so gosh darn adorable.

My name is Bunni3 and I am a crazy cat mom…and I love it. Just in case you were thinking it. I won’t be that crazy cat lady who has 30 cats. Two cats are plenty for me, but I am crazy about my cats.

Pan says “Hi mom! Whatcha doing? I’m going to chill here. Btw loves you!”

P.s. If you’ve ever had an itch to get a pet. Do it! Pets are an amazing addition to your life. Treat them right and they will treat you right. You can be the center of the universe…their universe. It’s full of awesome.

My New Favorite Song: Do I Wanna Know?


This is very much my new favorite song.

Horribly addicted to it.

All I can do is stop and groove when I hear this song.

And now you can too!

Arctic Monkeys “Do I Wanna Know”

If I Wanted To Play In Reality…I’d Go Outside

Being The Sims fan I am (and boredom at play)…I gave The Sims: Free Play for Android a go today. While it is free, and runs pretty smooth on a phone… I feel that it should be called The Sims: If They Lived For Reals.

I’m female, and as most females…we get excited about The Sims. I’m all about playing God to helpless little pixels all in the comfort of my personal bubble. I’ve avoided dabbling with The Sims on my phone because I understand how my addiction works. If I would want to see people again, I should probably not invest in a mobile version of The Sims. However today my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded the beast.

I waited while it downloaded from Google Play. I waited while it installed. Finally! I open the app to be blessed with “To play this game, we need to download way more stuff from our servers. Did you really think we’d be upfront about the size…..ever?” So I anxiously waited while it downloaded just under a gig of more game. OK finally time to play! Off I go!

I’m greeted with a neighborhood map with a house already built…just waiting for me to create a Sim. Yay! My favorite part…creating myself in Sim version. OK the Bunni3 Sim is made! Now let’s see what awful things I can do!

A box pops up that informs me that my Sim has goals, and I should complete them for XP to level. What? My goal is to complete goals to level myself? OK….well let’s give it a try. Thus begins my downward slope of fun.

Each time you finish a goal another goal appears. Many times you can’t do anything else in the game until you’ve completed the goal.

Along with it, each activity is timed. Unlike the PC game where you have your Sim watch TV until their entertainment bar rises enough….instead when I click on the TV it lists options. Such as “watch the news: 5 minutes”. By 5 minutes…it means real life 5 minutes. I can’t do anything else for 5 minutes until my Sim finishes watching the news. Or dance to the radio…. 4 minutes. There are some actions that span over an hour.

So I’m forced to complete goals and my Sim lives in real time? Suddenly it hits me! Instead of spending my own 5 minutes watching the news, I can spend 5 minutes watching my Sim watch the news. Instead of being productive with my own life, I can watch my Sim have a life by accomplishing goals for them.

The whole point to Sims is that I can play out my entire Sims life in the span of 4 hours of my reality. I can get my Sim a job, get rich fast enough to leave job, marry off my Sim, have a baby Sim, die in an unexplained house fire all in a short sitting. Instead this Sims game has me spending an hour to watch my Sim spend an hour watching a movie.

*head explodes*

If I wanted to play in reality…I’d go outside.


Dating with OkCupid: That Damn Skype Add

*Disclaimer at the bottom

Oh hai. This happened recently.

“I mean what’s the worst thing that can happen if u add me in skype ?? :) I just want to talk, all right ? please don’t freak out and don’t ignore me .. I am not really a bad thing.. not all… just give me a try.. just let me know your skype name … that’s all I need right now.. I can take it from there.. or.. ur gmail.. we could do voice chat there too.. so u r in ?? .. I mean come on ! dont say no.. please dont.. u gotta have faith sometimes ;) believe in me ;) :D please just give me that damn skype add ^^”

I wonder how well that works for him? Personally….it terrifies me.

That is all.

*Disclaimer: The things mentioned in this post could be taken from real life happenings. Possibly from messages I have received or conversations I have had. If you are a person who happens to have been on the other side of these happenings, and you dislike my opinion on the topic… Consider this my apology. These opinions are of my own. I do not expect anyone to agree with me. All names are left out on purpose. In the event I use a name, it’s used with their permission or I substituted a pseudonym for them.

Dating with OkCupid: Messages To Learn From (or just giggle at)

*Disclaimer at the bottom

It’s been a bit since I have shared some good and bad messages. It’s about that time, eh? As always these are real messages that I have received.

Good Messages: (messages like the following will generally get a reply from me)

“bacon in porn. discuss.
p.s. i probably have an NES controller tatted on my chest with the cord wrapping around my arm.”

  • While at first this seems like a bad message, I refer to bacon and porn in my profile. He mixed both and started a conversation. Probably, by far, the most creative ice breaker I have had. And of course he brought in my love for NES.

Seriously, ten sentences is a lot to write to someone who might be a dude?”

  • I rather enjoyed this one because it was nice that someone put input into my input about using Okc.

“Haha, wow, you have guides posted on how to use OKCupid in your profile. I’m trying to decide if it’s a community service or if you were closer to clawing your eyes out after seeing so many bad profiles and messages. I guess I have the distinct privilege of not having a dozen dick offers fly my way when I log in, so maybe that colors my judgement. Keep on, you rad lady!”

  • This achieved a good giggle out of me.

“Ha, I guess you are just as restless as I am with browsing OKC late at night. :)”

  • As simple and as boring as this seems…I responded. Messages don’t always have to be “the.best.thing.ever”.

“I’m not messaging you to be your friend or your date. I just want to tell you that your profile is fucking awesome. That is all. Good day madame.”

  • Well hey thanks!

I do not get enough “good messages” to continue this forward. So onward….

Bad Messages: (messages like the following will never get a reply from me)

(this is a two-part message)“How are you! I just wanted to drop you a line a tell you that I was interested please write back if you are!”

  • I received the above message and thought to myself that it felt like a copy and paste message that this guy sends to every decent looking female on Okc. (I despise these messages. Make it personal so the girl feels like you are really interested in her and not just getting any response from a girl.) Four days later I received the EXACT same thing again from him. Thus making me believe that my initial thought was correct. Then this morning… continue reading below…

“I loved reading your profile and blog please email me back!”

  • Now the thoughts that cross my mind…
  1. Maybe he just figured that the first message he sent was eaten by the crazy Okc message gnomes and never made it to me, and he is truly interested.
  2. Maybe he goes down his sent list and sends this to every woman who didn’t respond in a desperate attempt to get a response.
  3. You loved reading my blog? Then you would know how I feel about receiving a second message. Also I was given a choice in the first message… “I was interested please write back if you are!” So if I was interested, I would have sent a reply, right? A desperate second message asking for a reply will not get a reply. From me, or any other person who uses Okc.

“The sound of eating makes me cringe like crunching, smacking ,slurping or whatever .. And my dog was smacking its lips all night , and it dont even have lips”

  • What?

“I wanna bend you over ;)”

  • No thank you.

“I’m sure 1000 * you haven’t told you are intelligent. What I’m telling you how amazingly beautiful and breathtaking you are”

  • I am not completely certain I get what he meant in the first sentence. However the second sentence..one of them that make me cringe. I can’t say enough that using strong compliments in a first message is a turn off. It’s awkward. I don’t want to hear them unless we are on a date and it’s going well.

“please. i’m begging you.”

  • ……

“think you can find a use for me?”

  • Yes. Adding you to my blog about messages that are not par.

Ok that’s enough for tonight. Keep it real, internet.

*Disclaimer: The things mentioned in this post could be taken from real life happenings. Possibly from messages I have received or conversations I have had. If you are a person who happens to have been on the other side of these happenings, and you dislike my opinion on the topic… Consider this my apology. These opinions are of my own. I do not expect anyone to agree with me. All names are left out on purpose. In the event I use a name, it’s used with their permission or I substituted a pseudonym for them.