Hello? Is this thing on?
Oops! Pardon me. That was embarrassing..
Hi internet. I wanted to have a little discussion about self confidence. It’s a topic that seems scary to most people. I was inspired to type at you about it in reference to our dating lives. However self confidence relates to every aspect of our life…so feel free to go with it as you please.
Self confidence [self-kon-fi-duh ns]
the realistic confidence in one’s own judgment, ability, power, etc.
Self confidence is the realistic confidence in yourself. Notice the keyword “realistic”. You will never be 100% confident in everything that you do. If you are…then that’s what we will call narcissism. If you’re narcissistic…then the idea of self confidence isn’t even a thought in your head because you’re so awesome you can do no wrong. Move along and make some room for those that realize they suck at times.
So we always hear about how people are attracted to people with self confidence. That statement is extremely true. Whether it’s relating to people we want to date or people we simply have around has friends. Self confidence is naturally attractive and inviting. While having low self confidence doesn’t make you a horrible person…I suspect you can agree that it’s harder to form a bond with that sort of person. They could be socially awkward and fumble to hold a conversation, thus making it awkward for everyone in that conversation. Or they don’t feel that they are attractive and hide. Or they just feel like they are not a likable person and never give you that chance to like them. Like I said, a person having low self confidence is in no way a defective person. They, just simply, are having some struggles. Eventually they let people in their lives and we like them…and we hug them a lot…and get really good at giving pep talks.
What I am hoping to do is hand out some advice for them about finding self confidence…so here goes.
First I want to reiterate no one is 100% confident in all that they do. People will always have situations that make them struggle and second guess themselves. I’ve always felt like there is this illusion that you either have full self confidence or you have none. That’s all a lie. You can have it today and the next day you can fumble. How I summarize having self confidence is accepting that I am a person who sucks at times and other times I’m pretty awesome. I accept that there will be many times I will throw myself out there and get rejected. I accept that I am myself and people will not always like the person I am…but there will always be people that like who I am. I accept that some days I will be terrified of the world, but tomorrow is a new day…I will tackle the world tomorrow. Having self confidence means you are aware that you will not always succeed in what you do…but you still try. It’s simply that. You’re not perfect, but you make an effort to accept your place on this planet full of humans.
So…how does one have self confidence? The answer is pretty simple. You fake the fuck out of it. I would imagine that’s not a new piece of advice to you. I have heard that all of my life. People simply state…just fake it. Seriously, that’s how you do it. I’m not joking in the slightest. No one magically has confidence, or can sit at home and just teach yourself how to be confident. You have to toss yourself into the pit of fear and realize it’s actually not that bad.
The next time you’re out and you see a person who just gets the juices flowing…do something about it. Walk up and say hi. Make eye contact and smile. Just do something. Yes there is a chance of being rejected, but who cares? You’re pretty awesome, and if they don’t get to find out…it’s their loss. You accept that not everyone will want to have you in their life, but there are plenty that want you in their life.
In my younger days when I went out places and I saw a cute guy…I would just go right up and introduce myself. Trust me, it was terrifying. T-E-R-R-I-F-Y-I-N-G. But I knew I just had to suck it up and go for it. Did I get rejected? All the time. Did I ever succeed? Hell ya. Just as much as I was rejected. You know what happened? Every time I was rejected, I reminded myself that I won’t always be rejected. I didn’t focus on all those times I was rejected…I focused on all the times I successfully got the phone number of a hot guy. Sure enough, eventually I was no longer terrified of being rejected. Sure enough, I began succeeding more than failing. Of course I still get nervous, even today, but I am not terrified. Are there days that I get too nervous and can’t convince myself to go talk to the hot guy? Constantly. I never let that make me feel like less of a person, however. Not every day is a success.
I’ve seen what putting out self confidence can do for something as simple as a new conversation. When I’m nervous and awkward meeting a person, and don’t fake confidence…I see it reflect off of them. The other party starts feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Suddenly everyone feels awkward and you end up just staring at each other until a party member finally just gets the heck out of there. When you suck it up and fake that confidence, they won’t feel the awkwardness. They feel your confidence. Even though you’re totally acting like you have confidence versus actually being confident. They don’t know the difference. All they see is that you are confident in talking to them. What demeanor you put into something, even as simple as a conversation, will 100% affect how that something goes.
So fake it. You want to start feeling confident with yourself? Start throwing yourself into scary situations and fake that you have the confidence. Focus on the times you succeed, and you will realize that rejection/failure isn’t always horrible. Accept that you’re pretty cool, but sometimes you’re going to suck. Eventually you will gain confidence in yourself and your ability to interact with the world.